So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
