Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni