i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.