What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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