and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
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I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.