i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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