I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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