I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
