I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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