I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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