I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
