You don't have asthma, your pregnant
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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