I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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