And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How external is "for external use only"?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
