i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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