he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
