I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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