Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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