My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
