he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
