2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
