dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
