Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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