so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
