You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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