i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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