Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
