If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
