I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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