Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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