Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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