Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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