I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
