Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
