His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
