mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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