Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
this hospital has no fireball
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
