don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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