There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
