rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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