I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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