I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
