There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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