my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
