Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
