Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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