just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
