The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
