and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
