...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
