i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
