I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
