can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
ttyl tear gas
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
