I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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