the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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