I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Randomize
