I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
