All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
