there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
