Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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