i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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