i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she woke up with a sticky ear
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
