So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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