I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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