I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
