That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
