every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
