normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
