The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
