so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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