Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize