YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
