i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
