I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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