nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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