yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
