Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
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You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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