Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
