So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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