I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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