pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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