I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
