jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
